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DIY Chain Launches Swearbox

B&Q have announced a scheme which will benefit associated charities. All products sold at their outlets will now have a free swear box. “We know a lot of customers don’t understand instructions, make mistakes or cause themselves injuries while trying basic DIY tasks” said Bill Overload, head of Making Things “and we feel this new innovation will not only relieve the stress of a poorly levelled shelf or a nail through a thumb, but raise money for charity at the same time”

“I think it’s a great idea” said one customer “I have sworn countless times that I’ve fucked everything up and Oh… sorry” he broke off to put five pounds into his swear box “As I was saying, when I have attempted to make ammends around the house, and it’s gone tits up… oh, sorry” he paused again to shove another fiver into his box “I make a lot of mistakes” he said “and my wife thinks I am shit”. He paused then and opened his wallet, but found himself unable to meet the tariff for his obscene verbiage. The box, which is fully automated, then operated what is called The Alternative Payment System, and released a big spring which hit him in the balls.