BBC 1 - 8pm

Noel's Famous Corpses

Noel Edmonds presents this cavelcade of cadavers in this new 12 week series where he traces the graves of famous and notable people and digs them up to check the decomposition process.

Tonight, Noel is forcibly ejected from Highgate Cemetary

 

With Anthea Turner.
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BBC2 - 9:30pm

Play: What Use My Buttocks?

Controversial play about mining in the 1970s. Alec is a Mining manager wrestling with personal and professional dilemmas.

Should he bow down to the inevitable decline of his industry and betray of his colleagues, or betray his wife and family and stick his buttocks against the windows of 10 Downing Street?

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ITV 1 - 7:30

Ask My Dog with Gyles Brandreth

Ever wondered just how much your dog knows about the Romans? Or how much chemistry they know? Or how much the significant contribution of philosophical ethos was shaped by Kant? Gyles Brandreth sets the questions for dogs to answer, with a grand prize of a weeks filthy pants to sniff. (For the dogs).

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Channel 4 - 10pm

My Penis looks like...

Top laughs with Keith Lemon as he talks to men whose penises resemble famous people from history or contemporary times. This week, Ann Widdecombe, Geraldo Rivera, Steve McFadden and Rod Hull's Emu are among the resemblances.

 

PHONE IN: If your togder looks like a famous face, call us with details and pictures.

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Gold Channel

Covet My Ass, Mr Weatherby?

Classic situation comedy from 1972, Arthur Lowe and Penelope Keith star in this series based on the popular trilogy 'Covet my Ass', 'I really do covet your ass' and 'how much for that ass of yours?'. Lowe runs a Ass and Donkey Sanctuary, and Penelope Keith is a long suffering ass enthusiast.

 

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Comedy Channel

Stand Up From Glasgow

A host of comedians appear in this epic marathon of laughs from the Glasgow festival of comedy. Many people have said Glasgow is the most difficult place to play in the entire country. Lisa Humble, Mad Roy Robbins, Portly McGivern, Jamboree Travesty and Henry Gurtin all feature. And all will be missed.

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History

Was Churchill Hitler?

For decades Winston Churchill has been lauded as the saviour of the UK. But recent documents have revealed the cigar smoking supremo may have been Hitler himself. The mere fact not one picture of Winston and Adolf in the same place at the same time opens the door to conspiracy and conjecture of the most grim nature. With Bradley Walsh.

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Dave

Bras through History

Former Countdown hostess Rachel Riley hosts this history of bras. From Cleopatra to Beyonce, bras have played more than a part in history, but what is the true history of bras. Copiously littered with pictures of women in bras, Riley speaks seductively but with stern authority on the subject.

Sponsored by Kleenex.

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Quiz Channel

Higher or Lower?

Walton McCardle hosts this simplest of quiz shows - or is it?

 

Contestants are shown things like Mouth Etna and a matchbox on a coffee table and asked to judge which is higher or lower than the other.

 

This week Helen and Pete from Addlesone are well on the way to the Golden Stepladder of Prizes.

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Travel

Holiday Bites

It's magnificent travelling the world, but the world has many bugs and insects which bite, suck and burrow into your prone, virgin flesh.

 

Gloria Hunniford explores biting creatures from all over the world, including an imaginary giant earwig which stalks you back to the hotel which no one else can see.

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Actors Channel

My Favourite Sentence

Helen Mirren interviews actors from all media about their favourite sentences, paragraphs and captions.

 

This week, Martin Jarvis discusses a sentence from Dickens 'David Copperfield', which is both evocative and philosophical, so much so he has had it tattooed on his buttocks.

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Cookery Channel

1,001 things to do with eggs

Jamie Oliver returns with the sixth series of things to do with eggs.

 

Tonight Jamie demonstrates another fifty things that can be achieved with an egg and absolutely nothing else.

For years, Eggs have been around, and Jamie investigates both the culinary history and the darker occult usages.

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Toilet Channel

My Haunted Toilet

20 years ago Matthew and Gloria Pullen bought the Cedarhouse Hotel, Newquay.

 

Little did they know the toilet in room 9 had been used in the 13th century for a satanic sacrifice of virgins, whilst the downstairs facilities are said to be haunted by Henry VIII, Samuel Johnson, Hitler and Kenneth Kendall.

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Survival Channel

Eating in the bush

If you ever have had to hide from Mafiosi hitmen, Government Agents, Special Forces Mercenaries of Pensions Salesmen, then this is the show which will show you how to survive for literally some time in the jungle, woodland, copse or childrens play area, living off grid on the fat of the land, berries and squirrels your only friends.

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Paranormal 24/7

Monsters of Milton Keynes

Milton Keynes has seen many, many strange things, but no reports of Bigfoot.

Could this prove Bigfoot is a dangerously clever camoflague user, able to blend into the concrete jungle or is it a nefarious creature swapping interdimensionally and missing out on Berkshire's Biggest Connbation?

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Disco Groove Music

Mega Disco Burnout Frenzy to The Max.

Head straight into the groove with the sounds on the street and Dj Macaroon and Henrietta Harvey bring you the tracks that count.

Move like lightening acrosss the floor, as the disco mounts intensity.

 

The only way to be hip to the beat and on teh scene is the DGM set to Max and shimmy that locomotive.

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