BBC 1 - 6:30pm


Game show. Celebrities are mugged, robbed and assaulted on the way to the studio, and Gyles Brandreth lines up a selection of hoodlums, bums and ne're do wells and the celebrities have to identify their assailant through questioning. The Grand prize round features the celebrity with the most points being accused of a crime they didn't commit.
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BBC2 - 9pm

History of Lamp Posts

illuminating our streets since medieval times, lamp posts are one of the most common features of every street.Neil Oliver takes us on a trip around Britain, meeting famous lamp posts, sharing lamp post related facts whilst peppering his oratory with digs at the establishment through badly constructed metaphors.Read More

ITV 1 - 8pm

Rate my Pudding

Restaurant competition where famous chefs make puddings of all hues, textures and flavours for judging. this week a French pudding expert locks horns with a italian pudding genius in a froth of cream and chocolate before finally losing every sinue of respectability and brawl openly in the street in a man-on-man razor fight.

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Channel 4 - 10pm

Britains' Dopiest Bastard.

It's all hotting up in round eight with donnie from northumberland facing off against the legendary fuckwittery of Bill from Derby. in a spectacular show of mind numbing ignorance and stupidity. In this weeks' challenge, they have to organise a telephone call to the local authority without saying 'mate', 'calm down' or 'at the end of the day'.

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Old People Channel

It's a Crocus

Programmes dedicated to the older viewer.

This week we catch up with Ronald Sullivan, who lives on a pier who tells a funny story about a day in the 50s' when someone asked for a chocolate ice cream from the booth but got vanilla and what sort of person do they employ these days and it's not like it was when i wa a nipper and...


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Trivial Channel

Dishwasher Tales

Dishwashers have for centuries been ignored. Yet their contribution to the evolution of society has been legion. In this ten part series, dishwashers from pubs, restaurants and cafe tell fascinating tales of their intricate and important work. also, what is the future of dishwashing? will there be robot plate cleansers? How will A.I impact their work?

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Looking Out the Windows

Every despot in history has used a window at one point or another. but what influence did the windows play in their evil machinations? could banning windows prevent future dictators creating war and chaos in an ever confusing world? and what of windows in Geo-politics? could JFK have been solved had the library windows been bricked up?

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Cheap Tat TV

Hole punches

It's hole punch week on Cheap Tat TV. Got a wedding? A whole punch is an ideal gift. A christening? What about a monogrammed Hole punch? hole punches are the unsung hero of the hour? did you know 128 peoples' lives were savd by a hole punch last week alone*? you need a hole punch in your life and you need it today.

*Figures open to interpretation.

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Racist TV Channel

Look out! It's the Foreigners

1970s comedy gold as Lester Peters teaches English to a collection of foreign students.

This week a misunderstanding of the word 'knockers' leads to hilarious consequences. Features the last appearance of Helmut Vellt before he was arrested for Nazi war attrocities.

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All Day Lard Arse

Talking to Myself

the only chat who with no host, guests or anything but relies on audience particpation in a cacophony of shouting, yelling and bellowing about a bewildering array of subjects and issues none of which are either coherent or well thought out but all have the common factor of spraying half-eaten pizza at the screen

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Business channel

The Bottom Line

Curing businesses in the UK of all their ills are Gavin, Martine, Paul, Maggie and Theobald. This week Greshing Tech in the south West is having problems implementing a new working regime. The team try and solve this though a mixture of negotiation, threats, violence, extortion, blackmail and kidnapping.


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rubbish dump TV


The sheer variety of fridges on rubbish tips is one of the marks of a great and industrious society.

Neil Oliver breaks into landfill and rubbish tips late at night and explores the stories and legends involved in fridges. This week Neil discovers an interesting cheese in a crevace of a Hoover 6012B, and reunites it with it's bemused owner.

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WoodWork World

The Mortice Joint

Situation comedy based in the heady and action packed world of cabinet repair. This week, Ronnie has a 18th Edwards and Roberts bedside, but an escaped wild bear from a local zoo is distracting him.

Meanwhile, Sally has a 50s' side table onto which she has carved the words 'help me'.

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Cup of Tea TV 24/7

24 hr Cups of Tea

The only channel in the world to broadcast nothing but cups of tea, cooling slowly in a proper china cup, turning cooler as the initial temperature equates with the viscousity of the liquid until totally cold and replaced with another cup of tea and thus the relaxing process continues, occasionally featuring steam.

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Children Safe TV

Bertie the talking cushion

Bertie is a cushion who has been in many houses, and has many tales to share. When the adults are away, Bertie regails young charges with stories. All the stories are about his encounters with Bobby the blanket, Carlos the couch, Andre the Armchair and Harvey Weinstein.

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Illuninati TV

They're watching

They are watching everything you do and every move you make. They are making notes and planning your demise. They are ruthless and without conscience. They will seek you out and destroy you and all you love in a fiery pit of despair.

With James Corden.

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