BBC 1 - 8pm

Gareth Southgates Balls

Soccer ace Southgate leads us on an odessy of balls, from small balls to large balls. The history of balls is also explored while Gareth meets some of his celebrity friends to reminice about balls they have known, and scientists explain the meaning, measure and future of balls. If you like balls, do not miss this absolute load of balls.
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BBC2 - 8:30pm

Gardeners World

Once again Monty Donn picks up his shovel and walks around his garden, pointing at things and telling you their Latin names.

Also featured are viewers gardens, and in particular this week Mr Deetman of Cornwall shows us his fine garden, which also featured in the news in connection with an investigation into six murders. Read More

ITV 1 - 9 - 9:34

Ant & Dec 'My plane is crashing, get me a parachute

Ten more otherwise unemployable celebrities are lured onto the plane with promises of work or wake up there after drinking something offered by a member of the production crew. As the plane flies high above the Pacific, the engines are switched off and viewers vote for who survives the crash.

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Channel 4 - 8pm

The Investigator

With the people traffiking rings and criminal gangs increasingly evading law and order, and the increasing personal danger faced by both police and whistle blowers, Channel 4's Mitch Dupre investigates misprints on restaurant menus. Could it be that a sinister plot is unfolding and that thing that should say 'Duck Fu Young'?

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Gold Channel

Don't Pet The Rhino

Sitcom from 1958. Derek Nimmo is a safari expert in charge of the rhino section of a popular tourist attraction. This week, Mrs Sutherland misplaces her glasses and ends up being chased through the park by a rate white rhino. Also, Paul puts the wrong cream in the cafe profiteroles.


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Sc Fi Channel

Brent Droid - P.I.

In the 28th century P.I. Brent Droid faces all the trials and moral dilemmas of the time, aided by his A.I. Power moustache.

This week a small roomba witnesses a drug deal gone wrong, and has to go into the domestic applicance protection program. But someone has leaked its' new serial number. Droid is on the case.

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Famous Bearded Ladies

Throughout the ages there have been bearded ladies, although in this enlightened times, they are less common (excluding elderly Franch laides)

Dan Fische examines ladies beards through the ages, from beard care and uses to the more sinister use of beards for contraband and people smuggling.

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Pervo Maximus VIP

Big Knockers

Big Knockers is a quiz show with a difference. All the contestants have enormous knockers, and with each wrong answer, their knockers are deflated until one of the competitors reaches 'flat chest city' when they are expelled from the quiz.

This week, Barnsley RFC play Cheltenham Ladies college,+

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Quiz Channel

Gibberish - 6:30pm

A quiz show with a difference. Celebrities and members of the public are invited to talk complete bilge in silly voices on a variety of subjects. The bonus round consists of making noises with their mouths which is no way should resemble imaginary words. Champion Holly Willoughby takes on Clive from Chester who will speak in only quacks.

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The Toilets of Egypt

Egypt is famous for the pyramids, but what else lurks in the mysterious culture of the ancients.

Michael Portillo journeys through teh country, ruthlessly brushing sand from his hair while addressing locals in a loud voice to ascertain where the toilets are.

He needs to do this after visiting what he presumed was a local bistro. And he has to find them urgently.

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Sizes of Spanner

Detective drama set in the fast moving world of spanner manufacture.


Designed as a drama, Sizes of Spanner not only tells a gripping tale of murder, sex and international intrigue, but also the various uses of spanners and the relative items they are used to undo this fascilitating the separation and/or tightening of the join.Read More

Cartoon Violence

Hedgehog Zombies

The city of Grepe is a quiet one. But in one remote corner a lab is experimenting developing Super Soldier Warlord Hedgehogs. When one of the Super Pricklies escapes, it quickly gets mown down, but returns from the dead with a lust for human flesh and reeks a small amount of havoc, terror and panic between the hours of 10pm and 3am

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Adult Movies

My Pepperami Is Hot

Directed by Morty Package, this movie is based on the confessions of a pizza delivery drive. One day he delivers a pizza with extra sausage, but the sausage on the pizza is not the sausage the customer wanted, and thus a situation arises which is not altogether to do with pizza delivery and more to do with hot sauce.

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Gallery Channel

The Tate Modern

Dealing with the gallery itself, this series looks at the structure of galleries, the stairs, the ceilings, the floor, the interior, the corridors. In tonight's programme, Michael Portillio talks to a man who tells a humourous story about how he once went into the wrong office mistaking it for his own but then left again having realised his error.

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Miprnits Cnahnel

Dean Lorimers Hilarious Misprints

teh Lcnnale rfo nnyfu misp[rnts

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The Screensaver Channel

The Best of Windows 98

During the late 1990s many people had screensavers and some even bought software to create their own.


In this four hour spectacular, we see some of the best screen savers and animations which people used when Windows 98 was popuar. A must for enthusiasts.

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