Headline Edition

Desperate Politician plans to Pawn Earth for Big Bucks

Earth is to be taken to a local cash coverters. The decision, made last night was voted through 4,958,493,923 to 3,458,962,106. It is throught to be the only time a planet has been pawned for cash. “We’re simply not able to look after it” said Janis Doublemeaningnis, head of affairs for the World Affairs Council “It started out okay with good intentions, but it’s got too much to manage. Plus I need the money for a new couch”.

But not everyone was supportive of the idea. Breanna Cosgrove of the Keep Earth Campaign, was quick to criticise the move “We don’t feel that exchanging the planet for $200 is anything near the value. And then there’s what happens to everything that is not included?”

But Doublemeaningnis is already preparing to go and see Frank in his local branch. “I am loading up the car with soil every day” he said “and I think by the year 809,000 I should be on track to deliver the last few pieces of mantel and secure my $200” he added.