Headline Edition

Loca Man's Twitch 'really getting on our nerves' say friends

A local man is suffering from a twitch no one wants to mention but everyone finds extremely annoying. The man, Kevin Louth from Bennington Avenue, has a facial tick so infuriating no one can possibly ignore it.

“It puts me off conversation with him entirely” said one friend “You’ll be in the middle of something and it starts and you can’t take your eyes off it. You lose your thread and eventually just think what’s the point and go back to your lager”

Alan isn’t the only person whose noticed Kevin’s dodgy nervous reaction. His girlfriend, Henga, has also noticed the aberration. “We were kissing and all of a sudden I felt this thing brushing against my face. Put me right off. I called a Uber and was out of there” she said.

But it’s Mr Louth’s career which is suffering most. As a face to face salesman, the acquisition of the twitch has caused his sales to plummet and his colleagues to make fun of him behind his back, severely hampering the team morale and causing more than a little friction. One colleague, who wished to remain anonymous, said “Sitting next to him is like sitting next to a huge pile of stinking, putrid jelly. And I like him. You don’t want to hear what the others say” she added in her seductive Austrian accent.

Our reporters have verified the tick, and two of them have taken a sabbatical to investigate it further, possibly as a Podcast. The third of our staff members is so enamoured with the involuntary movement that he has built a rudimentary alter in its’ honour.

Meanwhile Louth remains ignorant of his off putting spasm, stating “I am assuming people don’t want to work with me since I started occupying my lunch hours killing chickens at my desk with a big hammer”