Headline Edition

Mask Furore Masks Deeper Issue With Masks

Balaclavered men might be ‘a bit daunting’ according to recent research. Boffins at the University of Poggleswade carried out the research over two years, surrounding random people with large men, dressed in black and a balaclava.

“What we found is a gradient of emotions. First surprise, then suspicion, then fear, anger, resentment, paranoia and eventually a crushing realisation that they are there to kick your head in, which leads to a forboding feeling which taints everything you do”.

The research, sponsored by Black and Decker, showed how people react to masked men, and showed results markedly different from how they feel towards men dressed in red with a big white beard and a reindeer in tow.

Researchers then surrounded the control group with men dressed in black wearing big false beards who would answer any and all questions with ‘Ho Ho Ho’. The result was the same. Then they tried painting nude men entirely in tarmac and giving them antlers, and again this made the subject sample uncomfortable.

“I’m not sure what it proves” said head boffin Sarah Mallin “But we’ve had a lot of fun”.